twinks in bloom

“You are strong, you will get through this.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“You have to be our strength, not the other way around.”

“This is all because you are lazy and overweight.”

These are things I’ve heard from the people closest to me. But today, I don’t want to be strong. I want to be honest.

I’ve always been this way, ever since I hit puberty. While striving to be the perfect daughter and preparing for JEE, the stress took over. It broke something in me. That’s when I was diagnosed with PCOS. And all hell broke loose.

It felt like my mood, my energy, my sense of self were all suddenly controlled by my hormones—like I had no say anymore. I was always tired, but when night came and it was finally time to sleep, my mind refused to shut off.

Now that I’ve started working, I get even less time to care for myself. There’s barely time to work out, to eat mindfully. And it’s made everything worse.

As if that wasn’t enough, I was recently diagnosed with something else. Another condition, yet another reminder that my body is falling apart in ways I can’t stop. I’m trying everything—homeopathy, allopathy, following all kinds of doctors and treatments—and I’m just tired.

Tired of trying. Tired of hoping. Tired of failing.

There are moments when I just want to run away. Not from life, not from people—but from my own body. It feels like I’m trapped in something that’s constantly betraying me.

I know this post might sound like a rant, and maybe it is. But sometimes, you just need to let it out. You need to stop pretending and just breathe. Just feel.

I know I should fight back. I know I should believe that I’ll come out stronger on the other side. But right now, I can’t seem to do that. I don’t want to be strong. I want to be heard.

If you’ve ever felt this way… how did you pull yourself out of the dark?